Written along with former drug addict turned motivational speaker, Damon West, the pair discuss an issue of importance in today's ever connected world.
We currently live in a world that is more connected through social media than at any other time in history. It's both a good thing and a bad thing. The good part is we can keep in touch with friends and family we may not see on an everyday basis; the bad thing is it has become increasingly negative, thus raises anxiety levels of the society. (Social media is great at doing this.)
Using the example of a carrot, an egg and a coffee bean and each one's reaction when placed in boiling, hot water, it is analogous to our every day lives and the stressors and challenges we face.
When you put a carrot in water, it softens. Life's "carrots," when they endure challenges they become weaker. An egg is just the opposite when it comes into contact with hot water, it hardens. The "eggs" in life become angry, resentful, and mean when encountering stress. You don't want to be either one of those.
But what about the coffee bean? Well, the coffee bean when it comes into contact with boiling water, it transforms. It, eventually, turns into coffee.
That's what you should be in life. Be a coffee bean. Transform to the environment, grow from the failure you have endured; don't be weakened or hardened by it. As the saying goes "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." You can be a carrot and give up; an egg and become hard and close yourself off; or you can be the coffee bean and accept what happened and figure out your next steps. (A certain former softball coach I worked with had a term for this: #FITFO.)
So exactly what are you?
A carrot, an egg or a coffee bean. It's your choice.
I'm back! Yes I know it's been sometime since my last "book of the week" blog, but this one is a good one. It's about the man who most of us grew up watching as toddlers before we entered formal school: Fred Rogers.
The man was an iconic when to children. As we grew older into adulthood, we began to be a little more cynical of Mister Rogers. Could there really be a guy out there who was truly that nice?
Mister Rogers saw the good in everything and everyone he encountered. Today that is almost an anomaly in our social media driven world, where a lot posted to Twitter is negative and Instagram is life's highlight reel. It always seemed as Mister Rogers was too good to be true. A unicorn.
But as many people who knew him well, Mister Rogers was a genuine man. What you saw is what you got with him and we need this book now more than ever. When things may be getting crazy and life takes us down a different road than we imagined, we have to be able to hit the curveball. But also, most importantly, take a step back and breathe.
If any one is following on my Instagram, you would have seen that the last few days I've been posting a few short four or five word liners. Those are are from the second half of the book and are ways to live more like Mister Rogers today.
THE FIRST WAY: Be Deep and Simple
One the phrases he was most known for and that he made a song is "it's you I like." Four words. They don't mean all that much, but when put together it is deep. If you don't remember the song, I highly recommend going to YouTube and searching it. Wait ... I'll do it for you. ⬇️⬇️⬇️
In the world we live in today, many people are so fascinated with showing off all their new gadgets, cars, fancy watches, earings, job promotions, etc., well that's not what life is about. Life is about people.
So, Life Solution No. 1: When you're feeling down or stuck turn this song on, it will help.
THE SECOND WAY: Be Kind To Strangers
This is pretty self explanatory. We don't know what is going on in other people's lives. On the outside, he may be a great job, but at home he is struggling to be a good father to his children and husband to wife. Something as simple as a smile, or a simple "hi how are you you?" can go a long way.
Life Solution No. 2: Do a small favor for someone, something as simple as buying them a coffee or putting money in the meter. Remember "Little Drops Make Big Drops."
THE THIRD WAY: Make Joyful Noise
You may not be where you want to be right no, but look for the good you can take from it today and bring positivity to it.
Life Solution No. 3: Listen to an uplifting song.
THE FOURTH WAY: Tell The Truth
Being genuine and authentic to everyone you meet. One of the things that made everyone love Mister Rogers was that he was genuinely a nice guy. (It's also why everyone loves Jerry York.) Don't talk down to people. From experience, I know how it feels to be talked down to and disrespected. It's a horrible feeling and makes you feel less valuable.
Life Solution No. 4: Treat everyone you meet as a human, no matter what their title may be.
THE FIFTH WAY: Connect With Other People Every Way You Can
Don't limit yourself to just your core group of friends or co-workers. Open yourself and get to know other people. You may find you have more in common with them than you think. Trust me on this one I discovered this, this past weekend the Ivy League men's swimming and diving championships.
Life Solution No. 5: Talk to one person at school, or work that you ordinarily wouldn't talk to.
THE SIXTH WAY: Love Your Neighbors
A slight continuation from the fifth way and insinuates Mister Rogers belief that everyone should like everyone - no matter how different they may be. In order to do big things, grow and over come obstacles, we all need to be part of a community.
Life Solution No. 6: Show Up and Be Part of the Community; Be A Team Player
THE SEVENTH WAY: Find The Light In The Darkness
We're all going to go through hard times in life, but when you're going through those time it's even more important to look for the possibility of good things happening. Harvard has taught me a lot. It taught me a lot about myself as well as technical skills that I used to bring joy / happiness to others outside Ivy League institution.
Life Solution No. 7: Be Grateful For What You Do Have'
THE EIGHTH WAY: Always See The Very Best In Other People
Mister Rogers often got parodied and spoofed by a lot of late night comedy shows such as Saturday Night Life and The Tonight Show as well as other comedians. Sometimes he was ok with it, but it still didn't change the fact that it hurt. (Similar to the "low-five." Certainly, there was no malice intended, but not how one expects to be treated as a professional.)
Life Solution No. 8: Put Yourself In Their Shoes
THE NINTH WAY: Accept The Changing Seasons
There are very few givens in life, but one of them is that there are going to be changes. Things are going to come up and you're going to have to adapt to them. Whether it is adjusting to a new social media trend, it's raining out and you can't take your group of seven year olds to the park, or a swim event gets re-seeded, it happens. You have to be able to hit the curveball - ok well unless you're Xander Bogaerts.
Life Solution No. 9: Go with the Flow
THE TENTH WAY: Share What You've Learned (All Your Life)
One of the things I'm best at. I have over a decade of professional experience in athletic communication, I enjoy helping others, especially the younger rising stars and molding them. There's not a lot I haven't seen in the field (aside from having a computer re-start in the middle of a volleyball set, never saw that before), so as long as I can take that knowledge and pass it along, I'm happy.
There was the iconic image of Alex Cora walking across the overpass of the Mass Pike when he was first hired by the Red Sox in October 2017. Wearing aviator sunglasses, blue dress pants, white shirt, and a red tie with a blazer and his phone up to his ear, he was walking towards his new job inside Fenway Park with an "I'm the man" swagger.
Cora was supposed to be the savior for the Red Sox. A young Alex as supposed to come in and rejuvenate a Red Sox clubhouse that the veteran manager, John Farrell lost. The common conception after the 2017 season was Farrell was out of touch with young, upcoming Red Sox superstars and the younger, more energetic Cora would be the spark they need. And it was ... for 2018.
The managerial change worked. The Red Sox used their new energy to secure their ninth World Series in 2018 with a thrilling five-game series against the Dodgers. But after raising the banner and handing out rings on Opening Day, 2019 the partying was quickly died. The Sox performed poorly in 2019 and did not show the same life they exhibited a year prior. They were a boring team.
Red Sox nation was duped.
What we thought was "swagger" coming from Cora crossing the David Ortiz Bridge was, in 20/20 hindsight, cockiness. Cora was coming off a World Series championship with Houston and was flaunting it. But unbeknownst to everyone in baseball, Cora was hiding a secret. He was, believed to be, the mastermind behind the Astros and Red Sox use of technology to steal opponents' signs.
I for one was in a similar camp as Michael Holley when Cora first signed. Neither one us liked the hiring of Cora. While for Michael his problem was Cora's lack of managerial experience, my issue was abstract. I saw through that "swagger" he had while walking down Brookline Ave. That was not a Bill Belichick, seven rings type walk, that was the walk of a cocky, young 16-year-old who just got his driver's license and was handed the keys to a brand-new Mustang. No good can come from that.
But Sox fans loved it. Remember that image of him walking across the bridge, it quickly became a Gif that was circulating Twitter. And long-time Red Sox fanatic, moonlighting as a writer, Jared Carrabis was engrossed with Cora. In Carrabis' eyes and the eyes of many Sox fans, Cora could do no wrong and still can't.
But I for one was not fooled by the Alex Cora mask. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes, bu this one, Alex is going to cost you. And it is going to cost you big.
A new year and you would think this "book of the week" was done on purpose, well not quite. In 2019, I read a total of 26 books - that's pretty impressive from a person who hated reading in high school.
Over the past year I grew to love books and and reading. The last book I read in 2019 was fittingly finished on December 31 and is a great book to take into 2020. The No Complaining Rule.
Like many of Jon Gordon's books, this book too sets around a fictional story of a company facing the hardships of negativity - both inside the company and outside with bloggers. It was the task of the VP of HR, Hope, to figure out a solution to this problem. But here was the dilemma, things were not going very well for Hope in all facets of her life. Her husband had left her to raise their two kids on her own and her doctor found abnormalities in her blood work and wanted further testing done. It wasn't until the nurse at the hospital, Joyce - who is the sister of the bus driver, Joy, from The Energy Bus - pointed out her "no complaining rule."
The no complaining rule is strikingly similar to Jerry York's, 24-hour rule. At 74 years old, Coach York has lived by the 24-hour rule, both in hockey and in life. If anything bad happened, you had 24 hours to feel however you wanted to feel, but then it was time to move on. Conversely, if anything good happened, you also only had 24 hours to feel that emotion and then you had to move on. When you think about it, it's the only way to live.
Staying with the sport of the hockey. there was a part in the book that made me instinctively think back to the the 1996 third installment of The Mighty Ducks. New coach, Coach Orion, gave his team a life lesson about confidence and positivity. It's easy to be confident and stay positive when things are going your way and life is great. But it is incredibly difficult to keep that confidence and positivity when life has taken you on an alternative course.
Bad things will happen, but legendary Harvard women's basketball head coach Kathy Delaney-Smith put it best two months ago "failure is fuel for success." The failures that you experience today will eventually lead to success in the coming days.
This is what the bus driver, Joy, tells a dejected, down-and-out George when he is forced to take the bus after a flat tire renders him car-less for two weeks. It's on this journey, George finds a way to inspire his team at work, save his job and re-build a failing marriage.
There are many takeaways from this book, but the one I want to focus on is "everything happens for a reason." When George found he had a flat tire he was visibly upset at the situation, and also at himself for not having a flat. Things didn't get much better for him when he found out he had to take the bus and the bus that pulled up, No. 11, the driver's name was Joy and she greeted him with a smile.
It the midst of everything that's going on his life, he couldn't comprehend why he should be smiling, she clearly has no knowledge of what he was going through. This feeling is not uncommon. When everything seems to not be going our way, we have every right to be upset, but letting it manifest into all the other aspects does not help. This is easier said than done.
I posted this story on my Facebook a month ago when I was at Johnson & Wales. It was the night of the conference first round women's volleyball match, the top-seeded Johnson & Wales knocked off eight-seed Lasell in three sets. For those of you who aren't aware, JWU is nationally-ranked in women's volleyball so they were expected to win. But the story isn't over.
I watched the end of the women's soccer semifinal game - also against Lasell and also another win - before I start on writing the volleyball recap. The last 12 months probably haven't been the most ideal for me, a lot of ups and downs, lessons learned, but I just kept going. Still thinking about things, I finish my recap and start out and home.
I go out to the parking out, open the door and step into my car. I put the key in the ignition and turn it, but the car won't start. I think to myself "great like I need more stress added to my plate."
After attempt to call Triple A and unable to get through, I remembered I can call Subaru's road side assistance and call that number. After going through all the gyrations of "push this button," "say this," I finally get through and they will send somebody out.
When the guy arrives, I tell him "I don't think it's truly the battery because the lights are on in the car. I think it's the starter." He grimaces, but says "let's give it a try anyway." He puts the jump starter on the car and begins the charge the battery. In that 20 minutes of time, we had a pleasant conversation - mind you in the Johnson & Wales parking lot.)
As soon as everything finishes, he disconnects the starter and cables and begins to pack up. I thank him for coming out and when I ask his name, he says "Sid." How weird is that?
The guy that comes out from Subaru is named "Sid!" What's another name for the athletic communications profession? Sports Information and what is the acronym for the title: "SID." Interesting! And yet very weird.
The situation I faced was not that all that different than the one presented to George. But the thing to know is the game of life is an infinite game. Every day is something new and we have to live in the moment.
But that's life. It's important to remember everyone is going through something. The game of life we're playing is an infinite game and it is important to listen to hall of fame hockey coach, Jerry York's 24-hour rule. "If something good or bad happens, you have 24 hours to reflect on it, but then you need to move on.
This is why Coach York is in the Hockey Hall of Fame in the building category. His entire 45-year coaching career has been built around this motto and teaching his players about living in the moment.
Justin Foley from "13 Reasons Why" is right, "life is all about making mistakes and cleaning up after them to make them right."
How do you succeed in the infinite game of life? Just keep playing.
I mentioned earlier in the week there was too much good stuff from Simon Sinek's latest book to put in one post. The initial post highlighting the infinite game in business is very similar to the goal-oriented incremental model in policy making as well as mentioning how higher education is an infinite game.
Midway through the book Simon focused on the troublesome culture of the Castle Rock Police Department and how Jack Cauley revamped the department when he took over as chief. Not only did Chief Cauley turn around an officer who always felt as though he was being singled out for something, but by changing the culture he helped put CRPD in a better light with the public.
One of the examples was utilizing an unused bike track and a donation of free doughnut by a local shop to help the police department interact with the youth in an interpersonal environment. It reminded me what friend and former co-worker did with his central Florida police department.
Now, a detective with the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, Michael Bucciarelli, took a program he enjoyed as middle school student and brought it down to Florida. The goal of the program was simple to provide a safe and secure place for kids to go after school and "also a way to interact with law enforcement in a non-law enforcement setting." With a charismatic personality that everyone loves, I'm confident it wasn't hard for Michael to recruit students to the program. (See the full feature below.)
My second Simon Sinek book this year, what can I say I like the guy. It was actually one of Simon's Ted Talks on "Leaders Eat Last" which began my whole fascination with leadership and growth development.
According to Simon, there are two types of games: finite games and infinite games. Baseball, football, basketball are all examples of finite games here are rules that each team agrees to follow and a definitive winner and loser. However, infinite games are more abstract. There is no end, the game keeps going and teams drop out when they exhaust all the resources needed to compete.
Going deep in to the archives, into my public policy days, infinite games are very much like the goal-oriented incremental model of policy making. There is an idealistic goal - and often unattainable - at the far end, but along the way there are minor incremental goals to achieve. And those small goals are the victories.
With this being said, higher education follows the infinite game track. In the last three years, we have already seen a handful of college and universities shut their doors for good, and others in similar financial positions. We all get it. College is expensive seeing more and more high school students opting for public colleges and universities to lessen the financial burden with no guarantee of landing a job upon graduation. It is one of the factors colleges and universities are seeing a dip in their enrollments.
There still is a need for higher education. It is proven that those who have gone on to study at university, get better jobs and make more money. But the meaning of college has been lost today. Today, a majority of high school students college is "as the next thing you do after graduating high school," but that's far from the case. The objective of college and university is not to teach you the technical skills to survive as an adult, it is to teach other, soft skills, liking working with others and to think critically.
Without critical thinking we fall into the mindless cycle of doing rout activities like we did in the industrial age. But we don't live in the industrial age anymore. Times have changed and are constantly evolving and with that our higher education system needs to evolve.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Instead of asking our admissions teams to hit arbitrary numbers for enrollment each year, we need to look deeper into the cause of these declining numbers and think of making some innovative and collaborative changes.
Higher education is an infinite game. It will continue well after the current leaders are gone so we need start behaving in a manor that it is one.
Stay tuned there will be a second post on this book. There's too much to say for just one post.
